My Thorn

"...(7)And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure. (8)For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. (9)And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. (10)Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong..." (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)

I have a sleeping disorder called, Sleep Apnea. This disorder has followed me all of my life. Many times over, even now that I'm 45yrs, I still get teased by it. When I meet people at my job or wherever else that I have to spend a decent amount of time in one place with people, my disorder kicks in...even if it's for a short period. I tend to sleep when I stand depending how tired I am, as well as sitting or lying down. Some say that I tend to sleep at a drop of a hat...while they are laughing or snickering. Once they see my disorder, they will not let it go. Every time I could try to do something worth while, my disorder kicks in & it not only does it overshadows my good work ethics abilities, but it leaves a mark on me for everyone to shoot "scapegoat arrows" at me. At church, at work, even at home...my thorn, once again, overshadows my authority & seriousness in my household.

Everybody has an physical infirmity, I get that. But it seems that most everybody can hide their physical infirmity some way or somehow. I cannot hide this, & people don't know how to react to it but to make jokes about it so much that it becomes a stain or a mark on me. When they see me coming, it's like they flag their friends to watch me to see if I drift or not. How do I react to that!? What do I say without being the bully in this situation? I am 45yrs old, I can't just tell people to.."LEAVE ME ALONE" without looking like a punk. It seems like there's nothing I could do about it. I have a CPAP machine that I use every night. It's a little outdated, but it helps. The irritating thing about it is this...I could be well rested with plenty of sleep, & I still drift off. It's just so frustrating. When it really hurts the most is when my wife & son have a moment of entertainment being amused by my thorn. And I know that if I react in a malicious manner, then I'm the "evil one" in the room. I'm a Christian, I try to control my malicious side & find another way to get my point across without an altercation(I don't like to argue, especially over stupid stuff!).

The reason that I've posted the scripture at the beginning of this blog is because I consider my sleeping disorder to be my thorn. It has giving me more grief than all the other infirmities that I have. If there is a way to make it less intensive or more controlled, that would be great! But just like Paul in the above scripture, I have to realize the purpose of my thorn. I must realize & remember that God is in control. If it means that I have to deal with this so that I won't get too big headed & not give God the glory. I must allow God to manifest Himself through me in spite of my infirmities. Because my infirmities, my thorns, are God's way of keeping me in my place.

God is my strength & my provider, & He takes care of me & mine for whatever or whenever the situation is. All glory, honor, & praise due to the Almighty God for not only for what He has done but for Who he is.

Know God, know yourself

Terrance